Post-Jordanism: noun- The artistic (cultural?) movement which began in late 2011. Works within this deal with themes of existential crisis, identity crisis, posttraumatic stress disorder, the state of being broken, intrusive thoughts of (non)existent(?) memory, the morbid preoccupation with suicide, grief, uncontrollable emotion, and darkness as a simple abstract concept. ex. 1: "Kill me."

Monday, May 21, 2012

I Don't Know. Hundredth Post!

My hundredth post was gonna be a big massive press release about OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING T-shirts and assorted merchandise, but fuck it, I've been waiting for so long.

Just yes, there's Rapture merchandise now. You can buy it here. I'll talk more about that some other day.

For now, my god I am I don't even know what. The Fear Mythos is getting a lot of new writers and readers but for some reason I feel like nobody reads anything I've written anymore. ..let me rephrase that: People talk about older stories other people have written, yet even when I post links to my stuff and politely ask for readers, there's nothing. I dunno. It's been a weird week for me.

I'm just an attention whore. xD That's all. I think I'll get a lot more attention once I start churning out stories again. Like once I start writing Rapture logs again, oh yes, there'll be many eyes on me then. Just.. gotta wait on Fentzy. That should be tonight, though.

..y'know what'd help? If I posted here more. I need to make use of this blog again. After all, this blog has links to almost every Fearblog I have. So yeah, I'll do that. Expect more posts.

What would also help would be food but we're out of food and won't be getting any more until Friday. Hahaaaaaaaaa. ..haaaaaaaa. Haaaaaaaaa I wish that was a joke.


  1. I barely check the forum anymore. :/

  2. Despite Rapture being the most popular Fear Mythos related work?

    Despite Rapture attracting the most readers out of any other blog?

    Despite all the fans you have?

    You still feel this way?

    Djay. You're the most popular Fearblogger. How much more attention do you need? The attention you get now is probably all you'll get for a while. The Fear Mythos isn't some large community. We're all busy with out own projects, we don't have time to act as fans at the same time. But we do, or at least NINETY percent of us, read each Rapture log.

    Now let me give you some perspective. My blogs, themselves? They hardly get any views! No one wants to read my work. And maybe that's because it's shitty. But still! I don't write for anyone else but me. I write for the joy of it. I don't care if any of my works ever reach Rapture Godhood.

    Of course, we're not the same person. Perhaps you write for differing motives than I do.


    Amy, why is that? :/

    1. Tons of new people that I barely interact with. Personal issues. The inability to keep up with the massive influx of blogs to read. Tons of things.

    2. First of all, I wrote this entry when I was half-asleep and starving (and I still am starving; I haven't eaten in days and we won't be getting more food until Friday), so take what I said with a grain of salt anyway. Second of all, you act like I was saying Rapture's unpopular and that nobody reads it. I actually explicitly did not say Rapture, I explicitly mentioned my other work. ..oh okay after reading it again that's not clear. Well, I was referring to my other work. I know Rapture's popular.

      Now, I could just end this comment there and call it a day. But no, I want to clarify something.

      The Fear Mythos isn't just some little project. You may have came up with the idea of a new mythos as just a project, and even other people may have started helping with the intention of it being just a project, and admittedly even I helped with that intention. But today, the Fear Mythos is far from just something I would write for just to keep myself happy. Because it doesn't keep me happy, not by itself.

      You have school, Cute. You have things to distract you in the day, things to keep you occupied. Me? The nearest school is an hour away by car, dad won't let me go there anyway. The nearest social club? No idea, but dad won't let me go to one even if I did know. I am completely isolated, and my dad has completely admitted to me that we moved to this isolated town for entirely selfish reasons and he knows he may have made my life a lot harder to cope with. And that's from a man who doesn't even know he's still abusive.

      To sum up a lot more stuff, the only way I can, say, watch DVDs or play video games would be to go on the Wii. And-- well, that's not even a DVD player, so scratch that first part. Video games, okay, I've been idly playing those. But we have no batteries and that sucks but that's not why I'm upset; that merely takes an option away temporarily.

      I have been all around this town several times on countless days. There is no one here. There are tourists, okay. Tourists. Drifters passing in and out of town. No one to establish a connection with. And again, this is both from my experience and my dad's with this town. And my mum's.

    3. So what am I left with? Internet. except I'm scared to go on Facebook because every time I do, I see my old friends in America living the life I nearly had. I worked so hard to get that fucking life last year, only to have it savagely taken from me by an asshole with a gun, dumping me back in the life I ran from in a panic. And now I'm stuck in the time capsule again, staring out past glass windows to the people past the Topographic Ocean, and I see them forming relationships, posting pictures, moving on. For a lot of these people, I'm not even a friend anymore. I mean, I theoretically am, but hey, they have new friends now ever since I left. They moved on, they had the opportunities!

      ..but I digress. I write because it's what I'm good at, and it does feel nice. But those aren't the only reasons. It's also the only thing keeping me high in my dad's respect. He sees that I have a sort of community here and that I'm getting a lot of work done. He sees that I have potential to make money out of this, and that's all that matters to him. If it wasn't for the Fear Mythos, I'd have nothing.

      And on a related note, with all this isolation and with all my friends moving on (and even online friends moving on or just simply being busy, you know how that works), there are often days spent where I literally have nothing to do except wait. That's what last night was. Doesn't help that I need some things from Fentzy for the next log and I'm still waiting on that. Until I get that, there's not much to write. Rapture's what I WANT to write. For many reasons. But the point I'm getting to here is that my popularity from my stories IS the best friendship I have these days. That's how I can get people to interact with me, that's how I can get love that is missing in every other aspect of my life. And that's how I can feel proud of myself for once.

      Add all that to being half-asleep and not having eaten in days (and not expecting food for another few), and can you really blame me for venting on a personal blog? <_<

      But all of this is immaterial in the end. The problem here is just that I had a very bad night, and I vented on my blog. You didn't need to know the full details as to why I was upset. So here, I won't dwell on all those bad things if you'll just excuse an emotional post or two. I'm becoming a bit of a grumpy old man these days anyway. I need a place to yell at the world while I wait for opportunities to write the things I love.

      There, does that shed light on the matter?

    4. DJay, I love you, dear. You know you can still get ahold of me. I like seeing you vent. It's better than you not doing so.